I am reeling from a major case of The Buzz.
My fingers hurt. My neck aches. I’m sleep deprived. My eyes sting. I’m acutely aware of my sinuses protesting the height of the pollen count. I’m exhausted. I’m tired but nowhere near sleepy.
But I have The Buzz.
I’m almost vibrating with excitement, giddiness, feeling totally and indescribably bouncy despite my body’s protestations. My brain is firing fast, ideas bouncing off the inside of my skull like fireworks faster than I can write or type. The brain fog has slowed my speech making it slurred, awkward and full of verbal typos. But my mind is racing… going at warp speed.
Cos I’ve got The Buzz.
It’s Carmen’s fault. I blame Carmen.
She set me a challenge and as always I rose to it and blew her expectations away. At times like this I can almost taste the reasons I love my job. I love doing what I do.
Cos I get The Buzz.
With every piece I make I get major satisfaction. But thats not The Buzz. The satisfaction of a job well done is evident in all the things I complete. That alone makes my job worth the time and effort it takes.
The Buzz happens when I have pushed my limits. Tried something new. Something not done before. And when that thing comes together like a jigsaw, all the pieces falling into place.
And when its not just satisfaction I feel. I feel impressed with myself.
That’s The Buzz.
Cos I’m not often impressed with myself. I get excited and I get pleased. I feel satisfied and know when I’ve done well. I work hard to make every stitch right and have zero tolerance on anything that doesn’t meet my exacting standards.
I do my best in everything I do. And that makes it doubly hard to be impressed when you put as much into your work as I do. When you make 100% “the norm” it’s incredibly hard to beat that. I am harder on myself than any critic could be. I’m more brutal and more picky. I make the haters look lenient.
I once undid over 80 hours of work on a blanket cos I noticed an error wayyyyy too late. Cos you don’t “bodge” when you care. ‘Cos it matters.
Before I draw or make anything I have to be able to see it in my head. I’m one of those infuriating people who can turn a thought into a piece of music, an object, a drawing… whatever I want it to be. As long as I can see it in my mind’s eye. If it’s in my head I can make it fall out through my pencil, pen, crochet hook or hands.
(Except pancakes. I fail so badly at making pancakes. But thats ok, we all have our flaws eh? ) :p
I am my own worst enemy. The self doubt I feel is crippling and life encompassing. I battle against it daily.
So when I aim ”too far” and not only meet my already difficult goal but surpass it… that, right there is something special. The feeling of conquering the world. Of being almost invincible. Of being able to honestly declare something I’ve created EPIC by my own standards.
THAT’S The Buzz.
For a few more days the reason behind this buzz must remain top secret. It’s for a special gift and I can’t ruin the surprise. When I am able to, I’ll tell you all about it here. X